by Nancy McKay
She laid back on
her pillow. A few words
and the fact she was dying
mended a relationship
with holes in it. She desired
freedom. She intended to die
with no regrets. One more
colleague to go then
she’d have only
herself to deal with.
Books on conscious
death, good death
proclaimed forgiveness. Not just
the religious ones. Forgive
everything in sight and
memory
The less she could
do about anything
the easier to let go. Resentments no
longer energized her.
What if had scant
meaning. What was,
was. What is, is.
She seldom looked toward
the future. She didn’t
belong there. Still
“this day” and its awkwardnesses,
discomforts,
reminders and
pleasures sufficed. Yes,
pleasures.
The to-do list
had only one
entry. Breathe. Or not.
The elm tree leaves,
serial companions for 48 years,
waited for her looking.
They abided.
The squirrel played on
the deck railing. The cats
didn’t bother to look up – some
peace pact negotiated. Peace
was growing in her. Green leaves
heralded calm. Summer is a good
time to die.
Bio: Nancy McKay gives spiritual direction in the progressive Christian tradition. She also practices and teaches Bio-Spirituality through Focusing.
She is a former presenter at the Cancer as a Turning Point, From Surviving to Thriving™ conference and a current Healing Journeys Board Member.
